Many of you have heard of this elusive "Ewell Black Cloud" but never witnessed it in person. We're convinced we have a black cloud that follows our family around. It truly takes a Ewell to realize the full weight of it, although some people, like Chris, who have spent a great deal of time with the Ewells are coming to realize its full potential. It works very much like Murphey's Law - anything that can go wrong will go wrong - but with the added exponential factor of # of Ewells - the more of us there are, the more likely things will go catastrophically wrong.
The formula for the Ewell black cloud --> p(Murphey's Law) * E = C.
E = # of Ewells involved
p = probability of Murphey's Law occuring for the Ewells = .75 (75% - note - this number is usually lower for most families)
C = Catastrophe
As you can see, the more Ewells that are involved will yield a bigger catastrophe.
Here are some examples of The Ewell Black Cloud in action. These will be updated as I and other family members remember more stories and as new ones undoubtedly occur.
Restaurant related:1. All of the Ewells (including extended family- see formula above - this means disaster) go out to Ihop at a normal dinner time. They're out of syrup (?!) along with salt, ketchup, napkins and just about whatever else we asked for.
Sports-related:1. It's the start of Aubrie's senior year on the high school soccer team. Every other year they've had the players select captains (which means Aubs is a shoe-in). This year, however, they decide to let the coaches (aka b**ches who for some reason hate Aubs - I think it's b/c they're jealous she's way better than they ever were) select the captains, and of course they pick their favorites. Later in the year, they asked her (privately) to help lead the team and pick them up during a down time, since the current "captains" were doing a lousy job of it and all the girls "really had respect for Aubrie."
Boating-related - probably the mother of all Ewell black clouds:1. First time I ever learn to water ski - badly sprain my ankle
2. While tubing with my uncle Mark as a young teenager, he accidentally kicks me in the head. He notices I'm bleeding out of my ear, and starts freaking out, thinking I have a horrible head injury. Everyone rushes me back to the house and I remember all the adults freaking out and shining a light in my eyes until we figure out...it was just a pimple that burst when he kicked it.
3. Natalie is driving the boat, pulling my dad water-skiing. He falls and the rope springs back into the boat, and WRAPS AROUND HER NECK TWICE and goes taut, choking her until Aubrie rescues her. ???
4. Lynnsie is swinging on the rope swing while everyone else is out in the water. Then all we hear is shrieking pain from her. Apparenlty she had been swinging with her arms and feet up on the rope and her butt hanging low, and then...essentially came to a stop on a stump...with her butt. Ow. poor girl. Guess she proved us wrong about the "hope she can still have kids" thing.
5. There's been several instances of boats ending up tangled in the weeds at the river, which usually involved after-dark rescues and propellers needing to be replaced because they're so clogged with weeds. Was a lot worse before cell phones. I'll let family members elaborate on this one.
6. Also many incidents of the propeller wrapping around the tow-rope and breaking. I'll have to let my dad elaborate on this one. :P
Vacation-related:1. One pleasant stay in a super nasty motel in NC for a softball tournament.
2. As kids, the entire Ewell family (+extended = disaster) went to Busch Gardens for the whole day. A family friend, Lee, is watching the younger kids while everyone else goes on a ride. Natalie is walking on top of a bench and falls and cracks her head open on a railing. Everyone is rushed to the ER to get Nats stiches. At least we all got free passes to come back.
3. Before internet, gps systems, or cell phones, the entire Ewell family (+ extended) goes on a road trip to Washington DC and Baltimore. Three cars of Ewells head toward the Washington DC zoo/impending doom. Apparenlty it's minority day at the zoo and the zoo is PACKED. There's no place to even park and no one can get into the zoo anymore. In all the confusion, all of our cars have to turn around and navigate our way through downtown DC to the hotel in Baltimore, which not all the cars have directions to. All three cars get horribly lost and separated. Eventually, 2 cars make it to the hotel, but uncle Mark didn't turn up for hours...all he knew was the name of the hotel and the city. I'm amazed he found it - although I think he had to go to a few of them before he did. :P
4. Last year, Lynnsie, who's in the Army, was set to be stationed in Hawaii, so we planned our vacation for there - she ends up going to Korea instead. This year, Lynnsie was supposed to be stationed in Florida, so we planned our vacation for there - she ends up in Maryland instead.
Accidental foot-in mouth moments:1. This is a pretty good one... As a young teen, before I could drive, my mom drove me and a girl that lived close to us to some summer camp the youth group was running for underpriveleged kids. We'd pick her up every day. On the last day I remember this girl saying to my mom "Thanks for picking me up! My grandparents are too lazy to drive me - my grandma won't get up off her butt and stop watching her soaps to take me anywhere." A few days later, standing around after church, my friend Becky and I were talking with a group of adults, and the topic turned to child-neglect. Thinking myself clever for speaking with a group of adults about an important topic, I said, "speaking of which, my friend Lori ___ just told me the other day how much she appreciated us picking her up b/c her grandparents are too lazy to take her anywhere and how her grandmother never gets her butt up off the couch from her soaps. Can you believe that?" ...Silence for a moment, then, from an older woman in the group, "WELL, you can go tell MY GRANDDAUGHTER that I really don't APPRECIATE her talking about us like that, and that is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE AND THE NEXT TIME SHE EVER WANTS A RIDE ANYWHERE SHE CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT IT - THE NERVE OF THAT GIRL.......this continued on for a couple minutes, while I stood there mortified. Apparenlty the 4 adults in the group were this girl's grandparents and her aunt and uncle... now, come on, what are the chances of that?! our church has thousands of members :::open mouth, insert foot:::
Miscellaneous:1. I remember getting baptized as a 10 year old - you wear a white robe and apparently you're supposed to wear light-colored clothing underneath it since the robe gets wet and see-through. I remember I was wearing light colored clothing and my mom packed me a purple outfit to wear for after. Silly me changed into the dark purple outfit for the baptism, which made me look like a big purple grape.
