awesome signs, etc

I see a lot of hilarious signs and license plates, etc. I'm going to try to keep track of them here, with pictures when I can:

Best license plate (in context) I've ever seen:
A cop had pulled a truck over on the side of the road and was issuing him a ticket when I drove by. Truck's license plate: PWNED
I laughed for weeks. Unfortunately I was driving by and couldn't take a picture, but it was one of the best things I've ever seen.

Chris and I saw this license plate the other day near Harris Teeter: JJJADED
We both immediately started singing.















I saw this one a few years ago - on a Beamer no less. claaaasssy ------------------------------>






















I saw this on the way home the other day.


















































I've never seen a Guam license plate before:
















Shouldn't this be called "Q-tip Transport?" hahaha (only a couple people will get this one)





























I saw this in an email, so it could very well be photoshopped, but it still made me laugh out loud. I want to be friends with this guy.































Fede?? This is the FedEx across the street from my office. Apparenlty the X caught on fire and exploded b/c of a bad bulb. Awesome. How can i find the arrow now?!












My friend, Matt Klein, saw this car in Seattle:

Girl leaves path of destruction everywhere she goes

Or maybe she just has no peripheral vision? Or is the clumsiest person ever? Or was late to the biggest event of her life?

To make the story easier, let’s call this girl, oh, I don’t know…Molly.

Several months ago I was traveling home on the metro, per usual. On the way out of the metro, going up the escalator, a young lady (Molly), maybe my age or a little younger, sprinted past me and started running up the escalator. This isn’t too unusual. However, on her way up, she tripped and fell right in front of me. Stifling laughter, I stopped to ask if she was OK, but she was up and on her feet, and sprinting up the escalator again before I even got a word out. Apparently she didn’t keep sprinting, because I caught up to her again a few minutes later, getting ready to cross Wilson to go into the mall, where several people were waiting to cross the street. Without even checking to see if traffic still had the green light (they did), or if cars were coming (they were), or looking both ways, she just strode out into the cross-walk. She didn’t run either…she just walked out casually like she was out for a stroll. A car that was going through the intersection had to slam on her brakes and swerve to keep from hitting her. ‘Molly’ apparently woke up at this point and realized how close she was to becoming road kill. Her reaction? – to yell at the driver and flip them the bird – classy. Everyone still standing there just looked at each other dumbfounded.

If she was in such a hurry before, to trip up the escalator while running up it, why was she so slow getting to the street? You’d think, if not for her own safety, at least in the sake of hurrying, she’d run across the street…why did she choose to walk instead? These are things I pondered as I crossed the street (at the APPROPRIATE time - when the walking-man light was on). Thinking I’d probably never see this girl again, and how weird of an incident it was, I continued on my way. I reached the second street I needed to cross – Glebe Rd at Carlin Springs Rd right outside the mall. The walking man light came on and I started across the street. Across the street from me, on Carlin Springs, waiting to turn left onto Glebe Rd, a male driver sat in his car and inched forward, as he had a green light, with yield to cars coming out of the parking garage going straight onto Carlin Springs. Seeing his way is clear, he comes into the intersection and begins to turn left. All of a sudden, a car comes FLYING out of the parking garage going wayyy too fast, especially for coming out of a parking garage which slopes uphill, especially for going through a busy intersection. At this point I’m in the middle of the street, crossing legally, and I can see what’s about to happen. CRUNCH! The two cars smack into each other in a head-on collision and slide and almost hit me. Since I’m so close, I can see both drivers very clearly – the man looks confused as to “where did they come from?” and the woman – HOLY CRAP, IT’S MOLLY! – well she just looks mad. I stood there completely not believing what I was seeing. How can one person be so careless, clueless, destructive?? I continued home, laughing the entire way, as they got out of their cars and proceeded to yell at each other. It could only end well.

We had a couple debates as to who’s fault the accident was when I got home – was it the man’s because she technically had the right-of-way? Or was it Molly’s because she was speeding and out of control (and also a psycho lunatic?) Obviously you can guess my option – what do you think?

Crazy Old White Guy Day

This was too random not to share. The other day I was metroing home per usual - around 6pm. I got on the orange line and whipped out some reading material. I heard a guy having a louder-than usual conversation, but didn't think much of it, as my eardrums are frequently assailed on the metro...until I heard the topic of conversation - graphic sexual discussion. And by conversation, I mean he was just talking to himself, or anyone else who would listen - just a rambling, constant, stream-of-consciousness oration on sex.

Here are some of the more memorable comments:
- Old crazy guy on sex positions:
--"I love sex. I like all the positions - you got your doggie, your reverse cowgirl, and your missionary. Me, I like the missionary - that's your good, basic sex." >>turns to unfortunate woman sitting next to him<< "What's your favorite position?"

Old crazy guy on posteriors:
--"I like women with them baggy asses. I call them 'bag-asses.' I like to smack them and watch them giggle. I'll be like, look here b*tch, come back here so I can smack that baggy ass o' yours."

Old crazy guy on...himself:
--"Sometimes I like to look down between my legs and see my d*ck. I just like to know it's still there. I'm like 'Hey Buddy, what's up?' ...It turns me on."


He kept this up the entire way home - from Metro Center to Ballston - he was still going when we got to Ballston, and I almost hated to leave. Half of the people leaving with me looked relieved and horrified, half were laughing out loud and quoting him (I was in the latter category).


5 minutes later, I'm waiting to cross the street. Pedestrian old white guy man next to me, lady driver waiting to turn right onto street we're waiting to cross. Walking man light comes on, pedestrian guy next to me starts to step out onto the street. Lady driver starts to move her car, sees pedestrian guy about to cross, stops car. Pedestrian guy flips out - starts running toward lady's car with arms raised above his head, yelling "YOU DON'T DO THAT SHIT LADY, YOU DON'T DO THAT SHIT!" and starts pounding on her car hood and window, while still screaming. Lady driver looks terrified. After a minute, the old pedestrian guy gives up and continues on his way. Lady driver and I look at each other, shrug then laugh.

So, I dub that day - let's say February 3 - as 'Crazy Old White Guy Day' after these two lovely gentlemen I encountered on my way home.