Crazy Old White Guy Day

This was too random not to share. The other day I was metroing home per usual - around 6pm. I got on the orange line and whipped out some reading material. I heard a guy having a louder-than usual conversation, but didn't think much of it, as my eardrums are frequently assailed on the metro...until I heard the topic of conversation - graphic sexual discussion. And by conversation, I mean he was just talking to himself, or anyone else who would listen - just a rambling, constant, stream-of-consciousness oration on sex.

Here are some of the more memorable comments:
- Old crazy guy on sex positions:
--"I love sex. I like all the positions - you got your doggie, your reverse cowgirl, and your missionary. Me, I like the missionary - that's your good, basic sex." >>turns to unfortunate woman sitting next to him<< "What's your favorite position?"

Old crazy guy on posteriors:
--"I like women with them baggy asses. I call them 'bag-asses.' I like to smack them and watch them giggle. I'll be like, look here b*tch, come back here so I can smack that baggy ass o' yours."

Old crazy guy on...himself:
--"Sometimes I like to look down between my legs and see my d*ck. I just like to know it's still there. I'm like 'Hey Buddy, what's up?' ...It turns me on."


He kept this up the entire way home - from Metro Center to Ballston - he was still going when we got to Ballston, and I almost hated to leave. Half of the people leaving with me looked relieved and horrified, half were laughing out loud and quoting him (I was in the latter category).


5 minutes later, I'm waiting to cross the street. Pedestrian old white guy man next to me, lady driver waiting to turn right onto street we're waiting to cross. Walking man light comes on, pedestrian guy next to me starts to step out onto the street. Lady driver starts to move her car, sees pedestrian guy about to cross, stops car. Pedestrian guy flips out - starts running toward lady's car with arms raised above his head, yelling "YOU DON'T DO THAT SHIT LADY, YOU DON'T DO THAT SHIT!" and starts pounding on her car hood and window, while still screaming. Lady driver looks terrified. After a minute, the old pedestrian guy gives up and continues on his way. Lady driver and I look at each other, shrug then laugh.

So, I dub that day - let's say February 3 - as 'Crazy Old White Guy Day' after these two lovely gentlemen I encountered on my way home.